The Evolved Male

"Live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be"

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vistofrau:

that kind of openness with you is rare to find…

vistofrau:

that kind of openness with you is rare to find…

(via leelersz)

Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

The message is simple - that’s there is to it folks, keep up the good fight!

x-to-y:

SoHo, NYC.

achieve-excellence:

Start with an underlayer of humility. This is your base. It is critical.

Put each arm into the sleeves of confidence. Button to the top.

Lace up your dignity tight, double knot if possible. 

Make sure you find pride that is fitted to you, and you alone. 

Walk out your door with conviction. 

Take the world.

relentlessdreamerrrr:

Streetlights

Let’s be kind to one another

Let’s be kind to one another

I have such a weakness for nice nails on a lady. It truly is the little things that stand out.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

goodbooksandgoodvibes:

whether you believe it or not, there is someone out there who admires you.

there is someone whose eyes light up when you walk into a room.

there is someone who thinks of you before they fall asleep. 

there is someone who smiles at the mere thought of you.

there is someone who wants to be just like you.

there is someone whose world is so much brighter because of you.

there is someone who loves you.

i promise.

Forever is composed of nows.

To love is to be vulnerable

image

Original article can be found here:

http://www.businessinsider.com/top-10-fbi-behavioral-unit-techniques-for-building-rapport-with-anyone-2013-11

Robin Dreeke is head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program.

In his book It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone he simply and clearly spells out methods for connecting with people.

Here’s a quick breakdown of the methods. 

1)  Establish artificial time constraints

Nobody wants to feel trapped in an awkward conversation with a stranger.

Robin often begins a conversation with something along the lines of “I’m on my way out but before I left I wanted to ask you…”

Have you ever been sitting in a bar, an airport, a library, or browsing in a bookstore when a stranger tried to start a conversation with you? Did you feel awkward or on your guard? The conversation itself is not necessarily what caused the discomfort. The discomfort was induced because you didn’t know when or if it would end. For this reason, the first step in the process of developing great rapport and having great conversations is letting the other person know that there is an end in sight, and it is really close.

2) Make Sure Your Body Language is In Sync

Make sure your words and body language are aligned and both are non-threatening.

A simple smile is the most powerful nonverbal technique, as Dale Carnegie let us know.

When you walk into a room with a bunch of strangers, are you naturally drawn to those who look angry and upset or those with smiles and laughing? Smiling is the number one nonverbal technique you should utilize to look more accommodating. In Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” it is principle number two of six.

3) Speak Slowly

Quick speech can sound nervous and jumpy, not confident. Crazy people speak quickly; self-assured people speak slowly.

When individuals speak slowly and clearly, they tend to sound more credible than those who speak quickly.

4) Ask For Help

When a request is small, we naturally feel a connection to those who ask us for help.

Have you ever felt a pang of guilt for turning down someone seeking help? I have personally found that there is no greater theme and tool for eliciting individuals for action, information, and a great conversation than the use of sympathy or assistance. Think for a moment about the times in your life when you have either sought assistance or been asked to provide it. When the request is simple, of limited duration, and non-threatening, we are more inclined to accommodate the request. As human beings, we are biologically conditioned to accommodate requests for assistance.

5) Suspend Your Ego

Avoid correcting people or anything that could be interpreted as one-upmanship.

Just listen. You don’t need to tell your story; just encourage them to keep telling theirs.

Suspending your ego is nothing more complex than putting other individuals’ wants, needs, and perceptions of reality ahead of your own. Most times, when two individuals engage in a conversation, each patiently waits for the other person to be done with whatever story he or she is telling. Then, the other person tells his or her own story, usually on a related topic and often times in an attempt to have a better and more interesting story. Individuals practicing good ego suspension would continue to encourage the other individual to talk about his or her story, neglecting their own need to share what they think is a great story… Those individuals who allow others to continue talking without taking their own turn are generally regarded as the best conversationalists. These individuals are also sought after when friends or family need someone to listen without judgment. They are the best at building quick and lasting rapport.

6) Validate Others

The simplest way to do this is to listen.

The simplest validation that can be given to another individual is simply listening. The action doesn’t require any proactive effort aside from the incessant need each of us has to tell our own story…

The difficulty most of us have is keeping from interjecting our own thoughts, ideas, and stories during the conversation. True validation coupled with ego suspension means that you have no story to offer, that you are there simply to hear theirs.

7) Ask: How? When? Why?

Ask open-ended questions.

One of the key concepts that every great interviewer or conversationalist knows is to ask open ended questions. Open ended questions are ones that don’t require a simple yes or no answer. They are generally questions that require more words and thought. Once the individual being targeted in the conversation supplies more words and thought, a great conversationalist will utilize the content given and continue to ask open ended questions about the same content. The entire time, the individual being targeted is the one supplying the content of the conversation.

Dreeke also recommends using a number of standard FBI active listening techniques you can read about here.

8) Quid Pro Quo

Some people don’t speak much. Other times you listen too well and people feel self-conscious about talking so much.

In these two cases it’s good to give a piece of personal information for every one they reveal to get a flow going. 

In my experiences, there are really only two types of situations where I have utilized quid pro quo. The first and more common of the instances is when you attempt to converse with someone who is either very introverted, guarded, or both. The second instance is when the person you are conversing with suddenly becomes very aware about how much they have been speaking, and they suddenly feel awkward. In both instances, giving a little information about you will help alleviate some of the issues.

9) Give A Gift

Reciprocation is deeply wired into human nature. When you offer people something, they will naturally feel the need to help you in return.

Doesn’t have to be a big box with a bow on it. Offering someone anything, tangible or not, counts.

Most people would feel badly if they received a gift and forgot to say or send a thank you note to the giver.  When someone does you a favor you most likely want to reciprocate with gratitude. Great rapport builders and conversationalists use this desire proactively during every conversation. This technique, coupled with ego suspension, are the cornerstones for building great relationships. This is also the easiest technique to utilize, because gifts come in many forms, from non-material compliments, to tangible material gifts.

10) Managing Your Own Expectations

If you don’t manage your expectations properly it can lead to disappointment, resentment and anger.

Play it cool. Focus on the other person’s needs and don’t let your expectations rise.

When we are able to shift or manage our expectations, we reduce potential disappointment. When we are disappointed, we sometimes get angry and may even hold grudges and get hurt feelings. These emotions are not conducive to healthy or long term relationships. These emotions are definitely not conducive to developing quick rapport. The best technique to avoid these emotions is to manage expectations.

A number of the 10 methods are similar to those espoused by other FBI specialists I have interviewed, including former head of international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss, and FBI profiler Jim Clemente.

The Right Attitude

And what does Robin say is the best attitude to take when trying to build rapport? Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you.

Before I use these techniques or send any class out to practice these techniques, I remind myself and them of one everlasting rule that will dramatically increase your probability of success; it is all about them. The only goal I have either for myself or the individuals I teach is that in every interaction the other person should walk away feeling much better for having met you. You should brighten their day and listen to them when no one else will. Build that connection where others wouldn’t and you will have mastered both conversations and quick rapport.




.الجيات أحسن من الرايحات
What is coming is better than what is gone.
Arabic Proverb  (via khalishh)

(via leelersz)

Original Article is here:

http://www.primermagazine.com/2013/learn/primers-definitive-guide-to-proper-sleeve-length

The proper sleeve length for outerwear, jackets, sweaters, dress shirts, and short sleeves. 

When most men talk about the way their clothing fits, the emphasis tends to be on its circumference – that is, how tight or loose the fit is in comparison to the natural shape of the man’s body.

It’s obvious that this is a crucial aspect of proper fit and it rightfully deserves its position in the forefront of men’s minds. However, even if you dial in the fit in the chest, stomach, biceps, ankle, and any other circumference-based measurement on a man’s body, your clothing can still look sloppy if you don’t focus on proper lengths.

Today we’re going to be talking about sleeve lengths, and the ideal aesthetic and fit for each different type of sleeve you wear. For our purposes we’ll be focusing on five different areas – suits and sportcoats, overcoats, short-sleeved shirts, long-sleeved shirts, and sweaters.

Suits and Sportcoats

Your suit jackets and sportcoats should have their sleeves fall between a quarter of an inch and three-quarters of an inch above your shirt sleeves.

Anything longer is going to make you look like your suit is a size (or two) too big. Anything shorter and you’ll look like you shop in the boy’s department. It’s more conservative to show less cuff and currently more fashion forward to show more.

proper suit sleeve length

You’ll also want to factor in the proportions of your arms to the rest of your body. If you have long gorilla arms (like I do) then showing less cuff will help visually balance them out with the rest of your body. The opposite is true if you have disproportionately short arms.

Provided that your jacket and coat sleeves do not have functioning buttonholes, it is relatively cheap and quick to have a tailor alter them. So if they’re just a bit too short or too long, it’s still worth making the purchase and having them altered.

Overcoats

For winter coats, trench coats, overcoats, etc. you want the sleeves to be long enough that they just start creeping onto the back of your hand. This will ensure that they cover shirt cuffs and jacket sleeves while also providing enough coverage with gloves. I hate having exposed wrists in the winter and it’s easy to alleviate this by ensuring your jacket sleeves are long enough.

Proper overcoat sleeve length

Just like your suits and sportcoats – the sleeve length of your overcoats should be easily alterable as long as the sleeves are non-functioning. As a result, this is one of the first things you should look into when debating the purchase of a new overcoat.

Short-Sleeved Shirts

We’ll start with short-sleeved shirts because they’re the easiest. Irrespective of what you’re wearing (T-shirt, polo, casual button-up) if your shirt has short sleeves, they should end at the middle of your bicep. Longer sleeves look sloppy and shorter alternatives end up appearing effeminate.

proper short sleeve shirt length

Don’t be worried about the sleeve falling at your mid bicep if you don’t have one. Even the noodle-armed amongst us will look larger and more masculine by having the sleeves accentuate the natural size and length of your arms. Trying to hide any supposed deficiencies actually makes you look scrawnier.

Long Sleeved Shirts

Whether you’re wearing a casual shirt like a rugby or something more formal like a button up, you want the sleeves of your long-sleeved shirts to fall right where your wrist meets your hand.

There are two key factors in getting this proper fit – the length of the sleeve arm and the circumference of the cuff.

long sleeve shirt length

One of the more common complaints I hear is that a sleeve which is the correct length when the arms are at rest at a man’s side are too short when he puts his hands up and in front of him. Consequently, he’ll buy longer sleeves but they’ll end up covering his hand.

If you want to have the best of both worlds, it’s imperative that the sleeve arm is long enough to reach beyond the wrist and that the cuff circumference is tight enough that it will prevent the sleeve from falling onto the hand.

long sleeve dress shirt sleeve length

When measuring for custom shirts I will measure about a third of the way onto the back of the hand to make sure I have enough length for when the man’s arms are up in front of him. When measuring the cuff, unlike any other circumference measurement, I take the wrist measurement exactly (without a finger in there for breathing room), although I will give extra allowance on the man’s preferred watch hand.

Obviously custom is ideal in this regard, but you can make do with off-the-rack shirts by moving the cuff button to a position that closes it tightly enough.

Sweaters

For the purposes of this article we’re going to look at sweaters in two different families – layering pieces and stand-alone items.

Layering sweaters are usually of a lighter weight and are made for – you guessed it – layering. For most men this means things like V-necks and cardigans. Because these are layering pieces, they will look sloppy if they fall lower than the shirt sleeve of a button-up. The worst offense is when a man will wear the proper sleeve length in a suit jacket and have his sweater sleeves fall onto his hand. It takes the carefully designed intentionality of showing a little cuff and turns it into a perfect example of sloppy proportions.

sweater length

The ideal length of a layering sweater is just a hair longer than your jacket sleeves and still shorter than your button-ups. If you can’t accomplish that kind of precision, it’s best to have your sweaters fall shorter than the sportcoat or suit jacket – meaning people who see your wrists will only see the two layers.

Stand-alone sweaters are things like chunky cardigans, crew necks, and other bulky options. These are heavier in weight and typically of a more casual appearance. They’re meant to be worn on their own and not under a jacket or sportcoat.

chunky sweater sleeve length

Because these are designed to be the final layer in-and-of themselves, and because of their more casual nature, these should fall right at the edge of your wrist – with no other layer peeking out beneath. You still want to avoid having them fall all the way onto or over your hand, but you shouldn’t see any cuff or wrist beneath them.

While this may seem overly detailed or like I’m nitpicking, it’s an important element in getting the correct fit. The benefit of being aware of these details is that they really only come into play when purchasing a shirt, coat, jacket, or sweater. Once you know you’ve purchased the correct fit, you can throw any item on with anything else and not have to worry about how they correlate with each other.