I’m going to start on a small series revolved around 10 things a man should evaluate about himself. This is not another typical list of things you need to do to land a girl - this is a self-improvement exercise. When you evaluate these 10 qualities, you’re evaluating your existing IQ, EQ, lifestyle and habits, which ultimately translate into your pickups/dating/relationships, and other facets of your life.
By no means should the following be anything new or surprising to you. But there’s a difference between thinking about something and evaluating something. For example, one of the items on the list is being ‘dependable.’ What does that mean exactly? Well, when you think about it, it’s just being there for someone: family, friends, co-workers. It’s easy to think about it and say ‘yea, I’m pretty dependable.’ But why not take it one step further and propose the following questions:
When you’re in need, how fast do you react for someone?
Do you react the same way to everyone?
Why do you treat different people differently?
How you thorough are you with your approach?
Do you only do what’s asked or do you go above and beyond?
For some, it might seem silly to dwell on such small everyday matters; dependable’ is ‘dependable, right? Well, yes, that’s true, but being complacent doesn’t really promote any personal growth, does it? The point here is to see where your shortfalls lie and how to improve on them.
Only when we analyse our own actions and the train of thought that proceed our actions do we begin to understand ourselves a little better.
1. Education and Intelligence
Education is not intelligence, intelligence is not education. They are separate entities that should be given separate consideration. Education falls into the realm of learning, training and research to obtain knowledge, basically, it’s school; education answer the ‘what' and the 'why.’ Intelligence falls in to a realm that encompasses many traits that include but are not limited to: abstract thought, comprehension, communication, and self-awareness; intelligence answers the ‘who, when, how, where.’
Having education certainly looks great on paper - it’ll get you in the door at most job opportunities and probably get you into the right circles of people that you want to be in. Obtaining a Masters degree or beyond is certainly very respectable as it is an indication of someone who is committed to and achieve goals. Not dissimilar, it’s possible to be educated outside of a formal academic environment. Let’s say you want to become better at video games. You either play a lot more and practice, or you do some research to expedite your learning curve. The latter is the informal learning as it requires research and study to understand the nuances of video games. So going back to my previous statement, researching the video game answers what you’re doing correctly/incorrectly and provides an explanation of why an adjusted strategy may work.
Intelligence encompasses all the other important stuff in your brain besides formal education. There are a wide number of things that fall under the intelligence umbrella: emotion, abstract thought, creativity, humour, planning and problem solving. Again, this is not a complete list, there are just too many things that fall under intelligence. Instead, I’ll focus on application. Intelligence is the application of education. It is the combination of all of the aforementioned, in addition to education, that one uses to achieve a certain goal. Going back to the video game example, intelligence will help you figure out when is the best time for you to play your videos, how you play your video games and where you play your video games; you’re not going to play video games at 4:30am while taking a shower in your bathtub, are you?….On second thought, some of you might.
Take a look at your goals and aspirations to determine if you’ve achieved enough in either of the previous realms to be successful in obtaining your goals. If you want to move to management level in your organization, do you have enough education that is required of the position? Your co-workers and superiors may like you and respect you, but without the proper credentials, it will be very challenging to be promoted. At the same time, you could be over-qualified for your current position but you’re not promoted because you lack the leadership skills required of a higher position. There is something lacking in either of the aforementioned situations.
When it comes to dating, you might know all there is to know about your field/industry. You might be the very best at what you do. You could be renowned because you’re just so damn popular…but none of that will matter if you’re proudly talking about those things and your date doesn’t give a f*ck; application of your knowledge…wrong place, wrong time, wrong audience. Your intelligence should guide you into discussing things that would capture her attention, things that would get her excited and be attracted to you.
To be attractive, you have to be educated and intelligent. You have knowledge in certain things that intrigue people, things that they are ignorant about. You need to have knowledge in something you that specialize in and enjoy. On top of that, you must have the intelligence to coherently discuss the topics you enjoy. Just remember that what you say and what you mean to say doesn’t automatically translate to what others hear and understand. Part of being intelligent is understanding that your audience understands and is receptive of you - in essence, it’s building rapport with your audience. The ability to build rapport with anyone around and then educating them on what you know - that is the wonderful balance of education and intelligence in everyday situations.
Here are some questions to think about:
Do you need more credentials/formal education to get where you want to be?
What steps have you taken to re-enroll in school?
Are you educated but lack social skills?
Are you more comfortable in your office than you are in social environments? Why?
Are you able to talk to people about very general things but not as comfortable discussing formal and in-depth topics?
Are you able to lead a discussion about an in-depth topic?
Are you able to have fun during an informal discussion?
What are you lacking and what steps have you taken to improve?