The Evolved Male

"Live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be"

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Here’s a thought; there are three types of compliments. Here are examples of each:


"I like your dress" 
"That is a nice dress"
"That dress looks nice on you"

There’s a subtle difference between the three. The first one is complimentary to yourself, it indicates you made an observation about a dress. The second is complimentary to that specific dress. While the third example is complimentary to the woman. If you’ve ever noticed, the first 2 are more often used because it takes the pressure from us; it gives us room to ‘back out’ in case the person takes it the wrong way, or other people don’t agree. At the same time, the first 2 also loses much of the impact on the woman receiving the compliment because it is not directed at her.

I’ve always been of the opinion that one should be bold and clear in communication. You want to be direct and let her know that she looks good. Regardless of the dress, you truly appreciate her; you’re just using the dress as a way to let her know. Simply saying ‘you’re beautiful’ is nice the first time and maybe even the second time but if you want to truly create an appealing vibe about yourself, you have to be creative in complimenting her in different ways. Remember, a good compliment does not focus on you, nor the object…a good an effective compliment focuses on the recipient

Pleasing a guy is like running a race. Guys have a start, they have a clear and definite finish.


Pleasing a woman kind of never ends. They are like a game of Bop-It with various switches and toggles. What is more, there is no upper limit, there is no “end;” things just keep going and going, faster and faster until you can’t keep up and the game ends. There is no finish line, just a high score you can beat. 

Guys, I cannot emphasize this enough: please don’t be so fast to supplicate. Respect yourself more than to give yourself wholly to someone. Make sure they’ve earned it - you wouldn’t give away your money or belongings for free, would you? So why would you give your emotions/efforts/energy for free?

It’s not only about what you bring to the table, it’s what she brings to the table too. You, being the evolved male, should have a good grasp of what you bring to the table, if you don’t, you can start reading here. At the same time, you should never feel bad about considering what she brings to the table for you. You’ve worked hard to earn your keep, she should to. And if you can find someone who shares the same mentality as you, it’ll surely be a flourishing relationship of ongoing growth and development.

Don’t exacerbate the vicious cycle of:

1. Guy throws himself at girl
2. Girl rejects guy
3. Other guy throws himself at girl
4. Girl rejects other guy
5. Repeat

Intrigue her, question her, teach her, challenge her…just don’t give everything to her. She’ll appreciate you much more for it.

I'm Fine

What ‘I’m fine’ really means - wonderful insight from a girl who definitely knows what’s up.

Girls - let’s communicate better, cut down on the ‘I’m fine.’

Boys - be smarter, be more aware, and for f*ck sakes, ‘I’m fine’ doesn’t really mean she’s fine.

girlwiththetights:

The absurdity of these words smacks me in the face every time I hear them.

Because let’s be honest here - no one (particularly no girl) who answers a question with “I’m fine” is actually fine. 

Which is just plain stupid. 

Now, I’m a girl, I’ve been guilty of this. Hopefully not terribly often, but it’s happened. And I repeat, it’s just plain stupid. 

Because what “I’m fine” actually means is this:

“I’m not fine, but I’m going to wait for you to figure out what’s wrong, because you should be a mind-reader, and I’m actually insulted that you haven’t paid attention to every minute detail of my behavior in an attempt to decipher what it is you’ve done to make me so upset. You should already know.” 

Seriously? 

Communication is the key to any successful relationship, and passive aggressive behavior is the cloud that rains on the parade of communication. It’s sort of the equivalent of posting something on facebook like “oh my gosh, i’m so miserable, this awful thing happened that I can’t even talk about …” as a way of baiting people to ask you what the terrible thing is. And if you don’t ask? Well, shame on you. Because clearly you should. Because you’re supposed to. Even though that makes absolutely no sense. Even though you were expressly told that the person DOESN’T want to talk about it. 

There are a few situations in which answering “I’m fine” when you’re really not is appropriate. For example, at a large gathering where you don’t want to make a scene. If you’re at someone’s party and you’re distressed over a fight with your significant other (particularly if alcohol is involved), that would be the time to tuck away you issues and save them for a time when you’re not going to end up in a screaming match that will ruin the party for everyone else. A simple “let’s talk about it later” will also suffice. 

“I’m fine” is also acceptable when you know the irritation you’re feeling is temporary, and therefore not really worth discussing. If the issue is something that you know will roll off your shoulders in a matter of moments, then just let it go. 

But if you’re really not fine and someone asks? Just be honest. 

Because very few people are mind-readers. It’s a fact of life. Dating someone for a long time does not give them the ability to read your mind, even if you think it should.  And when you take a minute to realize how much time you spend thinking about yourself and how you feel - and then realize that everyone else spends just as much time thinking about themselves and how they feel - you can’t honestly be surprised when they don’t notice the subtle signs you’re trying to give that you’re upset.  

And really, it’s just mean to make your boyfriend (or girlfriend) try to guess why you’re upset. Making them feel bad for believing you when you said you were okay really only tells them that they can’t trust what you say to be the truth.

So next time you’re about to answer “I’m fine” when you’re really not, think about it. 

Try some open communication. 

This guy knows what’s up. 

First step to being awesome: accepting yourself and not giving too much of a fuck about what others think


Second step to being awesome: have a theme song!

Here are some of mine.

Morning Feel Good:
Spencer Davis Group - Gimme Some Love 

Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Mid-Day Feel Good:
Filter featuring Crystal Method - Trip Like I Do 

Bon Jovi - It’s My Life

Wind-down Feel Good:
Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror  

What are your theme songs?

conactor:

Within 7 seconds of meeting someone, they have already made judgments about you.  Sometimes this works towards our advantage (if our last name is Pitt), but for the most part we as animals innately and subconsciously pick out things we don’t like about some else as a self defense mechanism. Whether you’re on the street, meeting your boyfriend’s cliquey and obnoxious friends from home that only speak the language “Remember that time”, or most importantly, going into a job or interview, people will judge you. Its going to happen, every second of your life.  And lets be honest, I am by no means the expert of confidence. It takes me 45 minutes to style my hair with 3 different types of “pomade” until I realize I look like the spawn of Lady Gaga and Flock of Seagulls and just put on a hat. But then I practice a few things that help make me that less insane of a person. 

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1. Acknowledgment

Acknowledge that this is a way of life; that we as human beings size each other up in every aspect of life, whether its competitive or not. Once you come to this acceptance, you become less affected by the negativity and pressures around you. And be honest with yourself. Know your flaws but highlight what makes you unique. Remind yourself every morning before you walk out that door: You is KIND. You is Smart. And you is Important. Ok, fine I stole that from The Help but bitch knew what she was talking about.

Example: I just came back from a vacation and I KNOW I look like an hairy unshaven red ass lobster, BUT Im still skinny. So red is the new tan and that’s that. 

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2. Have A Theme Song

Everyone should have THAT song ready to play on your iPod, computer, or CD Player (thats for you Grammy) that kicks them back into gear. You know it very well. Its that song that you usually first discover when you are wasted, and probably rhymes with Mitney Fears. It also may change week to week, but its that song that no matter how many times your Facebook stock goes down, you can play it and your lazy eye becomes that much more invisible again. So you have an audition that went horribly? Pop in some Bon Jovi. Your boss threw you under the bus at work ? Crank up the Lifehouse. (Ok, lets be honest, NO ONE listens to Lifehouse). But you get the point. Your life should turn into a cartoon with birds singing and bunnies dancing (without Summer leaving you and getting married at the end).

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Example: I just checked my bank account and it says Honey Boo-Boo Child Alana Thompson makes more than me in 3 hours. Did I cry? Maybe. But I also made me some gogo juice, turned on some Bugaboo by Destiny’s Child, and I feel like a million crackheads bucks.  

And if neither of these two tricks work, take a quick refresher at the title of mycolumn  blog and remember that NO ONE knows what you are thinking or feeling inside except you (and your therapist) so fucking fake that shit til you make it.

Until next time.

The Con Actor

Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.

A mature person does not fall in love, he or she rises in love. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. Now they cannot manage and they cannot stand. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have the integrity to stand alone.

A mature person has the integrity to stand alone. And when a mature person gives love, he or she gives without any strings attached to it. When two mature persons are in love, one of the great paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone. They are together so much that they are almost one. Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. Only freedom and love.

Osho (via posergoth)

There are no truer words.

(via serendipitystrikesagain)

(via serendipitystrikesagain)

'Good guys' need to stop whining like little b*tches and up their game. frannyfirstyear got it right. If a guy is truly good and worth keeping, he knows it, the people around him know it, and it shows in the way he conducts himself - his humility is his charm.

If you don’t know what’s wrong with you and all you do is complain, then you’re a chump. Stay right where you are because the opportunities/girls are passing you by and moving onto guys who have their sh*t together. There is no excuse not to do better.

At one point or another, I haven’t always been as great as I am now, but it took time and self-reflection to realize what my strengths and weaknesses are. As I evolve and adapt, I learn, improving on my strengths and working on my shortfalls. Trust me, it’s a humbling experience, but well worth the journey.

There is no better liberation from apprehension than constant growth and self-improvement. Keep learning and evolving - stop being a ‘good guy.’

Start here…and thank me later

frannyfirstyear:

I’m not talking about actual genuine good guys, I’m talking about the guys who say they are good guys and complain about how no woman wants them. This is what I was thinking about in the shower, I know but whatever. Like if you’re an ACTUAL good guy then you shouldn’t need to fucking tell everyone in the world how you are a good guy and how no one appreciates you. You just do the good deed because you are a DECENT person and it makes YOU feel good. A good guy doesn’t need to fucking announce all of his goodness. He just does it regardless of whether people notice. A good guy doesnt put on a ‘good guy’ act to get girls. It’s just the way he is. I hate when I see guys saying man fuck being a good guy no girls want me. Because that just shows you’re doing it for the wrong reason. If youre a good guy eventually a good girl is going to notice and you’ll probably have more then a good life. So really in the end it all works out. Also, I hate when guys complain about being a gentleman and not getting appreciated for it. A gentleman just DOES things because its a good thing to do for a girl. My stepfather opens my moms car door EVERY SINGLE TIME they go to the car because he loves her and he just wants to. I have never ever heard him mention it or brag about it. Don’t brag about being a gentleman, it’s a turn off. Just do it. Don’t expect a girl to fall on her face thank you for opening a simple door for her. But girls, do try to say thank you because it IS the polite thing to respond with. I just hate the “good guys” in the world who are actually just whiney men who are mad when they aren’t getting immediate praise for little things.

Part 2: Emotional Stability

3. Mutual Attraction
 

People have to be somewhat attracted to you for them to like you. People have to be someone drawn to you to respect your opinions. They don’t always have to agree with you, but they are receptive. Attraction goes beyond just romantic attraction, it’s possible to be platonically attracted to someone.

Being attracted to someone is easy. It could be that good-looking guy/girl who catches your attention on the street; you would be attracted to their appearance. It could be a professor giving a lecture about a certain subject matter you enjoy; you would be attracted to their mind and knowledge. It could be a motivational speaker who inspires; you would be attracted to that person’s demeanour and how they make the audience feels. Being attracted to someone is easy because you know what you’re drawn to. You know what catches your attention; you know what your eyes desire and what your brain admires.

Being attractive, on the other hand, is a bit trickier. Most people would presume that being attractive is only about appearance, it’s not…trust me on this one. I may not be the best looking guy out there, but I’m damn sure I’m attractive.

It isn’t about looking the best or knowing the most, it’s not about having the most money or speaking the loudest. Being attractive is a state of mind, it’s a perception of yourself and then imposing that perception upon the world around you. When you think you are attractive, you become more attractive; it will show in your demeanour, attitude and how you interact with people.

Going beyond visual attraction, you have to look at what you mean to the audience/girl. Why should they/she be attracted to you? What makes you special and stand out from the rest of the mediocre guys? Before you can expect to be adored by the people around you, you first must determine why they should. It is a self analysis of what makes you attractive. It will be a humbling experience because you will surely see your shortfalls, at the same time, you should not be discouraged because you will see your strengths as well.

I often take time to self-reflect on what I bring to the table for the people around me. It would be dangerous for me to only look at my strengths and ignore my weaknesses, so I take careful consideration of both. I am always looking towards others for feedback on what needs to be improved and how to do it. Always be receptive of feedback.

Your acquaintances will tell you what you want to hear, your friends will tell you what you need to hear.

On the other hand, when people are asking of your opinion, show interest in what they ask of you. They wouldn’t be asking you unless they respected your thoughts, so you should give them the mutual respect of your attention.

Mutual respect and interest are the keys to being attractive


That’s right, ladies and gentlemans, respect and interest are important things to being attractive. Having respect for your audience shows that you are receptive of them without judgement and prejudice; they should have no fear of judgement, so they are able to share deeper, intimate thoughts with you. Showing interest in them involves asking questions to find out more about them. Let’s face it, people love talking about themselves - the more you ask about them, the more they’ll feel your interest in them, gaining your trust. The on-going reciprocation of having interest and knowing more about each other…this attraction. Caring and showing interest in others, this is how you build attraction.

Part 1: Evaluation of Qualities - Education and Intelligence

2. Emotional Stability

The simplest explanation for emotional stability: demonstrating you’re not emotionally messed up.

It’s being balanced and controlled in times of emotional ups and down. It’s not losing your shit over the small things in life, like someone cutting in front of you in the grocery line. It’s being aware of yourself enough to feel wonderful joys in the lives of yours and others, like when someone shares a great success with you. It’s not letting your emotions take over your cognitive processes when you’re feeling down, like getting over an ex-lover and falling into a state of depression. It’s being able to express happiness with those around you, like sharing stories without fear of judgement and ridicule.

I’ve always expressed the importance of having control over your emotions, you must be in control of your emotions, your emotions do not control you. And showing that you are in control of your emotions is every bit as important. It’s all about balance. Controlling your emotions doesn’t meant NOT having emotions, it means you’re picking and choosing the right times to express them, and the intensity with which you express them.

On one end of the spectrum, there is the guy who has the ‘flat affect,’ that is he expresses little or no emotions. This is the guy who seems disassociated or uninterested. He doesn’t show any emotions, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel any. This is a very off-putting characteristic because people are not certain of your thought process, in turn, they’re not sure of how you feel, and when they don’t know how you feel, it makes them very uncomfortable because they don’t know how to proceed - let me reiterate, this is a bad characteristic to have in any setting except a poker table. When someone feels uncomfortable around you and they’re unable to understand how you feel, they will have difficulty in trusting you because they’re not sure where you stand on a certain subject. Basically, you will make people feel uncomfortable, and people are less likely to trust you, so they are  less likely to express their thoughts with you…making it a very awkward or superficial social experience.

On the other end of the spectrum are people with hyper-emotional reactivity. These are the people loses their shit over everything. Tell them a sad story, and they’ll cry their eyes out for you. Tell them about your successes and they’ll go over-the-top crazy because of how happy they are for you. This sounds good and all, but be warned, they would expect the same of you. Some people are just straight up too much. That overly bubbly guy/girl who always seem to exaggerate everything, yea, that’s hyper-emotional reactivity; he/she almost seems fake with his/her ‘good mornings’ and ‘how’s it goings,’ right? I know the feeling and I’m sure you know exactly who I’m talking about - everybody knows one; this is an example of someone who doesn’t have enough control over themselves to tone it down when necessary. How about the always bitter guy/girl who always seems to be having a bad day? It’s tiring having to talk to a person like that, isn’t it? This person doesn’t know how to control their emotions and not let negativity ruin their thought process.

It’s important to have emotional stability when interacting with people. When you’re able to express and convey your emotions without losing your shit, people have more respect for what you say because they’re less defensive. Rather than bombarding your audience with overly positive or negative emotions, you should give them just enough to convey that you’re passionate about what you’re speaking about. When the intensity of your emotions is too much for your audience, they feel pressured…like you’re jamming your opinion down their throats, nobody likes that feeling. When you give them just enough to let them feel that you’re passionate about what you’re speaking about, you make yourself a little vulnerable. When you tell your audience of your thoughts, you’re trusting them with your outlook on the subject matter; you’re making yourself vulnerable to their scrutiny. If you do it right, your audience will feel this from you and empathize with you leading them to be more receptive of you.

The first 3 minutes of the following video are a fine, albeit, humourous example of speaking. The rest…well, just good fun:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR5jufwSqm8&feature=related

You can just feel Vinny’s emotions, can’t you?

weareallcrazyhere:

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter: 
“Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.” The little girl said:
“No, Dad. You hold my hand.” 
“What’s the difference?” Asked the puzzled father. 

“There’s a big difference,” replied the little girl. 
“If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.” 

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours…

(via weareallcrazyhere-deactivated20)

I’m going to start on a small series revolved around 10 things a man should evaluate about himself. This is not another typical list of things you need to do to land a girl - this is a self-improvement exercise. When you evaluate these 10 qualities, you’re evaluating your existing IQ, EQ, lifestyle and habits, which ultimately translate into your pickups/dating/relationships, and other facets of your life.

By no means should the following be anything new or surprising to you. But there’s a difference between thinking about something and evaluating something. For example, one of the items on the list is being ‘dependable.’ What does that mean exactly? Well, when you think about it, it’s just being there for someone: family, friends, co-workers. It’s easy to think about it and say ‘yea, I’m pretty dependable.’ But why not take it one step further and propose the following questions:

When you’re in need, how fast do you react for someone?
Do you react the same way to everyone?
Why do you treat different people differently?
How you thorough are you with your approach?
Do you only do what’s asked or do you go above and beyond?

For some, it might seem silly to dwell on such small everyday matters; dependable’ is ‘dependable, right? Well, yes, that’s true, but being complacent doesn’t really promote any personal growth, does it? The point here is to see where your shortfalls lie and how to improve on them.

Only when we analyse our own actions and the train of thought that proceed our actions do we begin to understand ourselves a little better.

1. Education and Intelligence

Education is not intelligence, intelligence is not education. They are separate entities that should be given separate consideration. Education falls into the realm of learning, training and research to obtain knowledge, basically, it’s school; education answer the ‘what' and the 'why.’ Intelligence falls in to a realm that encompasses many traits that include but are not limited to: abstract thought, comprehension, communication, and self-awareness; intelligence answers the ‘who, when, how, where.’

Having education certainly looks great on paper - it’ll get you in the door at most job opportunities and probably get you into the right circles of people that you want to be in. Obtaining a Masters degree or beyond is certainly very respectable as it is an indication of someone who is committed to and achieve goals. Not dissimilar, it’s possible to be educated outside of a formal academic environment. Let’s say you want to become better at video games. You either play a lot more and practice, or you do some research to expedite your learning curve. The latter is the informal learning as it requires research and study to understand the nuances of video games. So going back to my previous statement, researching the video game answers what you’re doing correctly/incorrectly and provides an explanation of why an adjusted strategy may work.

Intelligence encompasses all the other important stuff in your brain besides formal education. There are a wide number of things that fall under the intelligence umbrella: emotion, abstract thought, creativity, humour, planning and problem solving. Again, this is not a complete list, there are just too many things that fall under intelligence. Instead, I’ll focus on application. Intelligence is the application of education. It is the combination of all of the aforementioned, in addition to education, that one uses to achieve a certain goal. Going back to the video game example, intelligence will help you figure out when is the best time for you to play your videos, how you play your video games and where you play your video games; you’re not going to play video games at 4:30am while taking a shower in your bathtub, are you?….On second thought, some of you might.

Take a look at your goals and aspirations to determine if you’ve achieved enough in either of the previous realms to be successful in obtaining your goals. If you want to move to management level in your organization, do you have enough education that is required of the position? Your co-workers and superiors may like you and respect you, but without the proper credentials, it will be very challenging to be promoted. At the same time, you could be over-qualified for your current position but you’re not promoted because you lack the leadership skills required of a higher position. There is something lacking in either of the aforementioned situations.

When it comes to dating, you might know all there is to know about your field/industry. You might be the very best at what you do. You could be renowned because you’re just so damn popular…but none of that will matter if you’re proudly talking about those things and your date doesn’t give a f*ck; application of your knowledge…wrong place, wrong time, wrong audience. Your intelligence should guide you into discussing things that would capture her attention, things that would get her excited and be attracted to you.

To be attractive, you have to be educated and intelligent. You have knowledge in certain things that intrigue people, things that they are ignorant about. You need to have knowledge in something you that specialize in and enjoy. On top of that, you must have the intelligence to coherently discuss the topics you enjoy. Just remember that what you say and what you mean to say doesn’t automatically translate to what others hear and understand. Part of being intelligent is understanding that your audience understands and is receptive of you - in essence, it’s building rapport with your audience. The ability to build rapport with anyone around and then educating them on what you know - that is the wonderful balance of education and intelligence in everyday situations.

Here are some questions to think about:

Do you need more credentials/formal education to get where you want to be?
What steps have you taken to re-enroll in school? 
Are you educated but lack social skills?
Are you more comfortable in your office than you are in social environments? Why?
Are you able to talk to people about very general things but not as comfortable discussing formal and in-depth topics?
Are you able to lead a discussion about an in-depth topic?
Are you able to have fun during an informal discussion?
What are you lacking and what steps have you taken to improve? 

I’m pretty sure the following goes without saying, but we need a little reminder everyone now and then.

youmaverickmegoose:

1) Tip well, but not too well. There is a certain point where it begins to seem like you just can’t calculate. 

2) Rules of etiquette encourage a man to stand when a woman leaves or enters a room. In the 21st century this would be considered less chivalrous and more… odd. Replace standing with pulling her chair out for her when you first arrive and leave for good.

3) For god’s sake hold the damn door.

4) Napkin goes in your lap, not on the table or tucked in your shirt. If you leave with the intention of returning (restroom etc.) place your napkin on your chair not the table. To a veteran waiter/waitress a napkin in the chair signals the intent to return and they wont clear the spot. 

5) Let her try your food. If you’re afraid of germs it’s fine not to share but you’re not allowed to kiss her later either. 

6) Ask to be allowed to pay but don’t insist some women really don’t like it and being to pushy for the check can capsize and evening. 

An important aspect to meeting any new girl is setting up the next meeting. It’s that simple. Forget all the phone games, text messages, email etc for now. You need to make sure she’s going to meet you again. So you must be charming and attractive. You gotta make sure her buying temperature is hot before you sell.

The first encounter with a new girl will give you a big rush. For those who are more sexually active, if you don’t capitalize on these emotions quickly, someone else might just come in and close her first. You have to use your anticipation and excitement to your advantage. Turn your nervous energy into excitement and interest. Instead of being on the defence and staying quiet, be the guy who’s willing to talk to her and make her laugh, . Create that conversation to grab her interest, and when the timing is right, tell her you’re taking her out again. Yes, tell her, if you’ve done it right, you won’t need to ask to take her out again. Don’t wait until the initial meeting over and then ask her via text/phone/email. If she’s available right now and green-lighting you, do your job and close it. She probably won’t be available for long.

The easiest way is to simply find a common interest. There are a number of things you both have in common that would allow you the opportunity to take her out again. Even when you do find a common interest, you have to make sure the signs are there before you sell; just because she says she wants to see a certain movie doesn’t mean she wants to see it with you; just because she wants to see a basketball game doesn’t mean she wants to attend it with you. If she really wants to go with you, she’ll ask you or make a subtle suggestion. But if she doesn’t, you could always just man up and make the suggestion to her. Don’t take it personally if she says no. There are a number of a reasons why she might say no but still have interest in you.

In my experience, I’ve had girls who have said no to trying out certain restaurants but yes to a baseball game. Conversely, some girls just don’t like basketball games and would prefer to grab a drink instead. It’s all about calibrating and figuring out who you’re talking and what works. No single approach will work all the time. No single outing idea will appeal to all girls.

The second point of today’s entry is yourself. What makes you so special that she should want to hang out with you? What justifies you in asking her out? Why should she say yes to you?

I think too many guys fall into the trap of thinking ‘well, if I ask her out, she should just want to say yes.’ This is a very dangerous train of thought as it leads to silly things like unrealistic expectations, anger, frustration and misogyny. Guys, don’t be stupid, k? If you want her to say yes, you have to give her a reason to. If you want to see her again, she has to not forget you. When we were growing up, we were always taught that you get what you work for - girls are no different; you get what you put into it. Knowing weaknesses, improving upon then, and then applying your strengths is real-world social situations - this is the work I am speaking of. Some people have it naturally, most people don’t. For those who don’t - you need to do work.

Let’s face it, relationships and dating are not sugar-coated straight forward things. It’s a game; a game with winners and losers. The winners strive to improve themselves and their partner. The losers stay where they are with their heads down and hands in their pockets, complacent with not getting anywhere. Do you want to be a winner or a loser?

I came across an interesting posting by a lady who made a change to her dating habits about 30 days ago. I rather liked this idea but thought it required some amendments to be applicable for guys. 

Here are the original rules that she set forth:

hopelessunromantic:

Here are rules I made up that I personally am going to do for the next 30 days, and if they work, forever. 

  1. Don’t initiate.
    No asking someone out. No asking for a number. No texting first. No. If the guy likes me, he will do this. I chalk it up to me being “aggressive” and “independant” and a “go-getter” but really, it just creates a relationship where I’m chasing and in the end, I’m the only one putting in the time to make it work. 
     
  2. No late night hang-outs. 
    If  you like me, you will want to see me before 8:30 at night. Also, not in your room either. Take me out like a woman, thanks. 
     
  3. Text like a tennis match. 
    Someone told me texting is a lot like tennis. Once someone serves you the ball, hit it back. But, if they don’t get it back to you then really, you have nothing to hit. So, why do we send a text if we haven’t gotten a response when in real life, if someone doesn’t throw something back to you, you’d just leave it be. 
     
  4. Cut the “!”
    I sound way too eager. I get excited and happy! “Hey! That sounds great!” Barf. 
     
  5. If someone does something wrong, tell them it’s not cool then drop it.
    If they don’t apologize or seem sincere about their mistake, don’t see them again. It’s that easy. It might suck, but if they don’t care then you can’t force ‘em to. 
     
  6. Say goodbye at the door. 
    Taking it back to the old school days, even if they’re someone I’ve been friends with or went out with before. No going inside after a date until intentions are understood and trust is built. 
     
  7. Be busy. 
    My bff suggested to “not care”, no checking the phone, no checking Facebook, just be busy and get on with life. Fill time with friends and hobbies. Seems easy enough,  but sometimes when you like someone you forget about everything else. Don’t do it! Keep living and someone awesome should justfitinto your life without a hiccup.
     
  8. Master challenge: 
    She suggested I leave my phone at home for an evening. Big move, but, definitely necessary sometimes.

Here are my amendments:

1. Don’t initiate. 
No asking someone out. No asking for a number. No texting first.  If she likes me, there won’t be a need for initiation, it’ll just happen, and if it doesn’t - I’m doing something wrong already. Guys, you’ll know when the right time is initiate so that she won’t say no - if you pull the trigger any sooner, you’re doing something wrong. Refer back to ‘getting her buying temperature up before you sell.’

2. No late night hang-outs. If she meets you before 8:30 in the evening…
If she likes you, she’ll make time to see you before 8:30 in the evening. Gentlemen, if she does make time to see you…you better make damn sure you’re stepping up and showing her a good time. If the date is going well, you better believe she won’t want to leave you (you’re doing it right). Otherwise, the date ends early and she meets up with her friends afterwards; you better believe she’ll be verbally tearing you a new asshole with her friends. You won’t get a second chance…or worse, you’ll be friend-zoned.

3. Text like a tennis match. 
Not much change needed. I’d only add that if she’s not responding to you, don’t take it personally, she’s probably got other stuff going on in her life…or you’re not doing your job properly by having an interesting conversation. Either way, just chill and be confident that you’re on your game. Refer back to ‘Text Dating Guidelines.

4. Cut the “!”  
This applies to real life and in text/email. It’s fine to be eccentric and enthusiastic just remember: you’re a man pursuing a woman, not a dog waiting for a treat. She’ll earn your company and reciprocate if you’re doing your job properly.

5. If someone does something wrong, tell them it’s not cool then drop it. 
No changes needed here.

6. Say goodbye at the door.  
No changes needed here…have some class, guys. Build that sexual tension. Make sure she’s earned it before you go to bed with her. Now, I don’t mean flat out reject her (because that’s a jerk move and you’ll definitely kill your chances). Rather, just make her wait a bit. Girls do it to us…why not do it to them? Show her that you’re not like every other guy - show her that it’s more special than just a random f*ck. Don’t be like every other guy who f*cks what he gets…be more refined and be a guy who f*cks what he wants. Trust me on this one, making her wait will be much more rewarding for the both of you. Do some reading on ‘sexual tension’ and realize how powerful it can be.

7. Be busy. 
'Keep living and someone awesome should just fit into your life without a hiccup' - no truer words were ever said. Forcing things will make it awkward. Timing will work itself out. Anticipation is sexy, trust me on this one.

8. Master challenge
I respectfully disagree with this one. Guys, I’d suggest you leave apprehension and anxiety at home. Just relax, it’s just a date. Keep calm, do it right, don’t f*ck up.

I’d like to thank Hopeless[un]Romantic for her initial post - this girl knows what’s up.