The Evolved Male

"Live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be"

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Posts tagged "one upmanship"

Don’t do it. It makes you look desperate. It makes you look pathetic. And frankly, it’s a really sad way of supplication. Just don’t do it. What is One-upmanship?

This past week, a female friend of mine got into into a dispute with her boyfriend. Here’s the story. She partakes in weekly sports activities on a regular basis - sports are a pretty big part of her life. He insisted on watching her at a few of these events, however, she declined because she did not feel comfortable having an audience, also because none of the other competitors had an audience watching. For her, she just felt a bit awkward and uncomfortable having an audience. For him, he wanted to spend time with her, he just wanted to see her - how sweet, right? Now, normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. He asks, she says no - okay cool, maybe next time? Or conversely, he asks, she says yes - okay still cool.

Instead, the conversation basically went as follows (and this is based on visual evidence, so I could not make this up):

Girl: I just don’t feel comfortable having people watch me play sports
Guy: Well, I don’t feel comfortable feeling like you’re hiding me and not wanting me around, I just want to see you and spend time with you
Girl: I don’t think it’s fair that you’re pressuring me to say yes
Guy: I don’t think it’s fair that you’re stressing me out and I can’t sleep

And on and on the pattern goes - you’re starting to see the pattern, right?

When you get in the pattern of ‘one-upping’ someone, it makes you look desperate. If you’re saying things just for the sake of saying something just to trump someone else, it makes you look you’re needing something. It’s like you’re trying to qualify yourself to the audience. To you, it might seem like you’re controlling the conversation or you’re leading it, to others, you seem like a needy drip. Instead of always having the need to talk…just listen. Listen to what your counterparts are saying. Take the time to absorb and comprehend what they’re trying to convey. When you do this, you can take a moment to form your thoughts and your own relevant points so you can actually contribute to the conversation instead of just saying something for the sake of saying it.

Conversation isn’t competition. It’s an exchange - it’s about listening to your audience and reciprocating with your ideas. Yes, at times there will be difference of opinions and rebuttals but only relevant points should be brought up to support your existing discussions - don’t bring sh*t up just for the sake of bringing it up.