The Evolved Male

"Live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be"

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Here’s a thought; there are three types of compliments. Here are examples of each:


"I like your dress" 
"That is a nice dress"
"That dress looks nice on you"

There’s a subtle difference between the three. The first one is complimentary to yourself, it indicates you made an observation about a dress. The second is complimentary to that specific dress. While the third example is complimentary to the woman. If you’ve ever noticed, the first 2 are more often used because it takes the pressure from us; it gives us room to ‘back out’ in case the person takes it the wrong way, or other people don’t agree. At the same time, the first 2 also loses much of the impact on the woman receiving the compliment because it is not directed at her.

I’ve always been of the opinion that one should be bold and clear in communication. You want to be direct and let her know that she looks good. Regardless of the dress, you truly appreciate her; you’re just using the dress as a way to let her know. Simply saying ‘you’re beautiful’ is nice the first time and maybe even the second time but if you want to truly create an appealing vibe about yourself, you have to be creative in complimenting her in different ways. Remember, a good compliment does not focus on you, nor the object…a good an effective compliment focuses on the recipient

A good question to ask yourself for the sake of self-evaluation

InnerGameGuy:

http://innergameattraction.com/about/why-inner-game/

Are you attractive to women?

If you’re anything like I was a year ago, you’re probably frustrated with your life. Specifically, you’re frustrated with your dating life. What if I told you that 90% of the guys I see are approaching attracting women completely wrong? I know, because a year ago I was doing it completely wrong too.

I even had a lot of things going for me: I was a smart, attractive guy. I had good style, a well-paying job, and I refused to be an asshole like all the other guys I saw having success with women. By all accounts, I should have been a catch.

Yet time and time again I’d go to bars or take girls out on dates, and maybe I’d get a makeout every now and then. But when it came time to take a girl back to my place she always seemed to have something better to do. Or was too tired. Or had to go return some videotapes.

So I tried harder. I got into better shape, learned how to be funnier, and even started learning to cook and give amazing massages. As my value went up I figured I’d start getting more dates and start attracting the high quality women every guy wants to attract. Except I started getting worse with women.

I couldn’t understand why my life was going nowhere.

And then, finally, last spring I had a revelation. A revelation that took me over 24 years to grasp:

It doesn’t matter what I had, the only thing that mattered in succeeding with women was how I saw myself.

To put it in pick up terms, I had been focusing entirely building solid outer game, and hadn’t been paying any attention to my inner game and personal development. I was a slave to other people’s wants and desires. I was defining myself based on my success with women, and I was getting nowhere.

I needed to reprogram the inner wiring of my brain and clear out all the negative thoughts that polluted my brain and made in virtually incapable of sparking attraction in desirable women. Before I could make a woman feel good about me I needed to feel good about myself.

Tyler Durden’s quote from Fight Club really struck a chord:

All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not. 

I realized I had all the potential to be magnetically attractive to women already inside me, all I had to do was stop getting in my own way and get my inner game in order.

If any part of my story sounds eerily similar to your quest to get better with women, then read on. This site is a collection of the best information I used in my year-long transformation, and I hope I can help even one guy achieve the same kind of transformation I did. I’m far from being  a master PUA, but I’ve found some new ways of thinking that helped reprogram my brain and I know they can help you too.

The best part about working on your inner game is that the benefits spill over to other areas of your life beyond dating. Once I started to get a handle on my masculinity and how I interacted with women my life started improving all over. My social circle started growing, I started eating better and working out more, and I even got a promotion at work.

Now I don’t worry about what to say to a woman, or even how she’s going to react to me. I’m just unashamedly me, and everywhere I go women seem to be attracted to that fact.

Are you ready to unleash your potential and join the ranks of enlightened men?

An important aspect to meeting any new girl is setting up the next meeting. It’s that simple. Forget all the phone games, text messages, email etc for now. You need to make sure she’s going to meet you again. So you must be charming and attractive. You gotta make sure her buying temperature is hot before you sell.

The first encounter with a new girl will give you a big rush. For those who are more sexually active, if you don’t capitalize on these emotions quickly, someone else might just come in and close her first. You have to use your anticipation and excitement to your advantage. Turn your nervous energy into excitement and interest. Instead of being on the defence and staying quiet, be the guy who’s willing to talk to her and make her laugh, . Create that conversation to grab her interest, and when the timing is right, tell her you’re taking her out again. Yes, tell her, if you’ve done it right, you won’t need to ask to take her out again. Don’t wait until the initial meeting over and then ask her via text/phone/email. If she’s available right now and green-lighting you, do your job and close it. She probably won’t be available for long.

The easiest way is to simply find a common interest. There are a number of things you both have in common that would allow you the opportunity to take her out again. Even when you do find a common interest, you have to make sure the signs are there before you sell; just because she says she wants to see a certain movie doesn’t mean she wants to see it with you; just because she wants to see a basketball game doesn’t mean she wants to attend it with you. If she really wants to go with you, she’ll ask you or make a subtle suggestion. But if she doesn’t, you could always just man up and make the suggestion to her. Don’t take it personally if she says no. There are a number of a reasons why she might say no but still have interest in you.

In my experience, I’ve had girls who have said no to trying out certain restaurants but yes to a baseball game. Conversely, some girls just don’t like basketball games and would prefer to grab a drink instead. It’s all about calibrating and figuring out who you’re talking and what works. No single approach will work all the time. No single outing idea will appeal to all girls.

The second point of today’s entry is yourself. What makes you so special that she should want to hang out with you? What justifies you in asking her out? Why should she say yes to you?

I think too many guys fall into the trap of thinking ‘well, if I ask her out, she should just want to say yes.’ This is a very dangerous train of thought as it leads to silly things like unrealistic expectations, anger, frustration and misogyny. Guys, don’t be stupid, k? If you want her to say yes, you have to give her a reason to. If you want to see her again, she has to not forget you. When we were growing up, we were always taught that you get what you work for - girls are no different; you get what you put into it. Knowing weaknesses, improving upon then, and then applying your strengths is real-world social situations - this is the work I am speaking of. Some people have it naturally, most people don’t. For those who don’t - you need to do work.

Let’s face it, relationships and dating are not sugar-coated straight forward things. It’s a game; a game with winners and losers. The winners strive to improve themselves and their partner. The losers stay where they are with their heads down and hands in their pockets, complacent with not getting anywhere. Do you want to be a winner or a loser?

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything about dating/pick-up. Since we’re already well into the spring season, you can be sure that pheromones are in air and hormones are astir in people. And that’s not just me saying it, it’s nature.

When do all the animals go into heat and start mating? Spring. Humans are no different. People are naturally looking for fun in spring after a long winter. They want to get out and meet people, so over the next few weeks, you’ll likely see more entries focusing on dating/pick-up.

You can start reading here on previous entries related to attraction.

I came across an interesting posting by a lady who made a change to her dating habits about 30 days ago. I rather liked this idea but thought it required some amendments to be applicable for guys. 

Here are the original rules that she set forth:

hopelessunromantic:

Here are rules I made up that I personally am going to do for the next 30 days, and if they work, forever. 

  1. Don’t initiate.
    No asking someone out. No asking for a number. No texting first. No. If the guy likes me, he will do this. I chalk it up to me being “aggressive” and “independant” and a “go-getter” but really, it just creates a relationship where I’m chasing and in the end, I’m the only one putting in the time to make it work. 
     
  2. No late night hang-outs. 
    If  you like me, you will want to see me before 8:30 at night. Also, not in your room either. Take me out like a woman, thanks. 
     
  3. Text like a tennis match. 
    Someone told me texting is a lot like tennis. Once someone serves you the ball, hit it back. But, if they don’t get it back to you then really, you have nothing to hit. So, why do we send a text if we haven’t gotten a response when in real life, if someone doesn’t throw something back to you, you’d just leave it be. 
     
  4. Cut the “!”
    I sound way too eager. I get excited and happy! “Hey! That sounds great!” Barf. 
     
  5. If someone does something wrong, tell them it’s not cool then drop it.
    If they don’t apologize or seem sincere about their mistake, don’t see them again. It’s that easy. It might suck, but if they don’t care then you can’t force ‘em to. 
     
  6. Say goodbye at the door. 
    Taking it back to the old school days, even if they’re someone I’ve been friends with or went out with before. No going inside after a date until intentions are understood and trust is built. 
     
  7. Be busy. 
    My bff suggested to “not care”, no checking the phone, no checking Facebook, just be busy and get on with life. Fill time with friends and hobbies. Seems easy enough,  but sometimes when you like someone you forget about everything else. Don’t do it! Keep living and someone awesome should justfitinto your life without a hiccup.
     
  8. Master challenge: 
    She suggested I leave my phone at home for an evening. Big move, but, definitely necessary sometimes.

Here are my amendments:

1. Don’t initiate. 
No asking someone out. No asking for a number. No texting first.  If she likes me, there won’t be a need for initiation, it’ll just happen, and if it doesn’t - I’m doing something wrong already. Guys, you’ll know when the right time is initiate so that she won’t say no - if you pull the trigger any sooner, you’re doing something wrong. Refer back to ‘getting her buying temperature up before you sell.’

2. No late night hang-outs. If she meets you before 8:30 in the evening…
If she likes you, she’ll make time to see you before 8:30 in the evening. Gentlemen, if she does make time to see you…you better make damn sure you’re stepping up and showing her a good time. If the date is going well, you better believe she won’t want to leave you (you’re doing it right). Otherwise, the date ends early and she meets up with her friends afterwards; you better believe she’ll be verbally tearing you a new asshole with her friends. You won’t get a second chance…or worse, you’ll be friend-zoned.

3. Text like a tennis match. 
Not much change needed. I’d only add that if she’s not responding to you, don’t take it personally, she’s probably got other stuff going on in her life…or you’re not doing your job properly by having an interesting conversation. Either way, just chill and be confident that you’re on your game. Refer back to ‘Text Dating Guidelines.

4. Cut the “!”  
This applies to real life and in text/email. It’s fine to be eccentric and enthusiastic just remember: you’re a man pursuing a woman, not a dog waiting for a treat. She’ll earn your company and reciprocate if you’re doing your job properly.

5. If someone does something wrong, tell them it’s not cool then drop it. 
No changes needed here.

6. Say goodbye at the door.  
No changes needed here…have some class, guys. Build that sexual tension. Make sure she’s earned it before you go to bed with her. Now, I don’t mean flat out reject her (because that’s a jerk move and you’ll definitely kill your chances). Rather, just make her wait a bit. Girls do it to us…why not do it to them? Show her that you’re not like every other guy - show her that it’s more special than just a random f*ck. Don’t be like every other guy who f*cks what he gets…be more refined and be a guy who f*cks what he wants. Trust me on this one, making her wait will be much more rewarding for the both of you. Do some reading on ‘sexual tension’ and realize how powerful it can be.

7. Be busy. 
'Keep living and someone awesome should just fit into your life without a hiccup' - no truer words were ever said. Forcing things will make it awkward. Timing will work itself out. Anticipation is sexy, trust me on this one.

8. Master challenge
I respectfully disagree with this one. Guys, I’d suggest you leave apprehension and anxiety at home. Just relax, it’s just a date. Keep calm, do it right, don’t f*ck up.

I’d like to thank Hopeless[un]Romantic for her initial post - this girl knows what’s up.

  

Overview

If you don’t think your scent is important, you need to learn something. You need to open your eyes and your nose to the world around you. Smell is easily recalled by an individual, male or female; it will dictate their immediate and long term impression of you, so if you plan on having a chance with females or getting promoted at work or landing that big deal, you better be damn sure of how you smell. Smelling poorly can have more negative implications than you think; these implications range from being perceived as less hygienic to having less education or even being from a lower social class. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s possible to be perceived as less attractive because the way you smell and pheromone level are indications of the quality of your genes. Smelling poorly reduces your desirability to people but not having a signature scent makes your forgettable.

Solution

It goes without saying the primary solution to smelling good is to practice proper hygiene. Brush your teeth, at least 2 to 3 times a day, use mouthwash to kill bacteria and shower in the morning and at night. Make sure you use shower gel and shampoo that are designed for men to ensure you stay smelling fresh all day long. Getting rid of the body odor you produce at the gym and daily activities could be difficult if you are using a body wash that isn’t designed for men.

Cologne

Cologne is an essential part of giving you a competitive advantage in life. Cologne does not mean body spray. It means cologne and yes it makes a huge difference. Quality cologne may cost more but it is certainly worth it for several reasons. The first being quality brands use quality ingredients. It’s very easy for men and woman to distinguish the smell of a cheap body spray and the smell of quality cologne. The cologne also contains denatured alcohol, or ethanol, an odorless substance that helps to break up solid compounds in your cologne. The alcohol also evaporates and helps to disperse the scent around you.

How to Apply

My advice on cologne application is simple. Apply to your skin, not to your clothing. Apply once to your neck, and once to your wrists. The heat generated at the pulse points will allow the fragrance to emanate properly. Apply in moderation. There is nothing worse than someone who drenches themselves in cologne. It defeats the purpose and is synonymous with a lack of confidence. Cologne should be a compliment to your natural smell, not an alternative to it. You should also apply the cologne about 30-45 minutes prior to your arrival at your destination. This will ensure it will not be overly fragrant and will highlight the subtleties in both the high notes of the smell and the lower notes.

Types of Cologne

The type of cologne you choose should coincide with several factors including the time of day, the time of year, and your location (indoors or outdoors). The scent should be something you like and should not be selected on price if possible. Summer scents should be fresh and include notes of citrus, mint, cedar wood, white musk or Tonka bean. Spring and Fall should include scents of sage, amber wood, cypress or moss. And winter scents should be slightly heavier and include notes such as vanilla, cinnamon, spice, Gaiac Wood and smoky.

My Personal Scents

My favourite body spray is the Old Spice After Hours. I find the smell to be ‘classy’ and not so fruity or ‘sporty’ as typical of other body sprays. It’s not quite lingering nor is it overpowering, but when the ladies lean in, there’s no doubt they catch a scent of it. In addition, I’ve been told it compliments my natural smell quite nicely. I tend to use the body spray for less formal occasions, usually for daily interactions.

As for cologne, I have two personal favourites: “Kenzo for Men” and ‘Acqua Di Gio’ by Giorgio Armani.

'Acqua Di Gio' has been around for a long time. There's no doubt of its popularity. It's quite recognizable by many people but it always gets the same reaction from the females: 'I love that smell.' As such, I do continue to use it at more formal events simply because it's classic, recognizable smell. The scent just seem to be complimentary to a suit and tie or a tuxedo. In one sense, having a popular, recognizable smell is nice because…well, it's popular, which is probably why so many guys are wearing. On the other hand, you end up smelling like anyone else who's using Acqua Di Gio.

'Kenzo for Men' is a bit more unique and certainly less common. I suppose it's not quite as popularity because of its scent. The most accurate way I can describe it is: if a forest were to have a smell, Kenzo would be it, 'woodsy' - rather outdoors-like. It's certainly not a sporty smell (like that of Adidas or Lamborghini or other 'casual' smelling colognes) and it doesn't smell as 'formal' as Acqua Di Gio. Because of its rather unique scent properties, I think it matches my personality quite well. I use Kenzo on casual nights: dinner outings, less formal birthday events, club/bar nights. When you have a chance, I'd suggest you grab a sample of Kenzo and experience its unique smell for yourself.

As you can see from my own arsenal, I have a formal scent and a more casual scent. For the daily, I have a balanced smelling body spray. All are quite complimenting to my own personal smell and taste. It takes time and trial to determine what your favourite scents are. Don’t be afraid of eliciting opinions from other people (females in particular) but be wary that everyone has individual scents that they like.

What’s your scent? What are your favourites? What do you find attractive in a male/female scent?

Simple guidelines from a guy who knows what’s up.

jerimeysharp:

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1. Start A Tab

When I walk in a club, lounge, or bar I like to start a tab. Not because I’m some dude balling out of control and have plans to pop bottles all night.It keeps me from flashing money and sending off the wrong signals. When I approach a woman, and the conversation is…

foodlatio:

(A couple tips for upping your success rate at bars, but from a woman’s point of view)

By now you’ve read my 10 Tips For Hitting On A Woman At A Bar but how about some advice from a woman.

Here are a couple words of wisdom from my lovely, talented, and femme fatale friend Kelly Daly:

  1. There is a fine line between cocky and confident- cocky usually comes across as, ‘player’ AKA a piece of shit. Confidence on the other hand, conveys that you know what you want and you’re not too big of a pussy to get it. Grow a pair- but keep it in check.

Guys, ever had someone try to sell you something and really try to close the sale before you’re ready to buy? What happens? You usually make up some kind of excuse that you’re not ready to buy or you simply will not buy.

What you’re feeling is what a girl feels like when you’re trying to escalate things before she feels comfortable enough to give in to you. Before you sell, you gotta make sure she’s ready to buy.

In my opinion, the easiest way to loosen things up is to show you have a sense of humour. The challenge is to figure out what kind of humour you want to use. The humour has to match your persona. So as I’ve reiterated before, you have to know your own strengths and weaknesses. Knowing what your strengths are allows you to put together a strategy that is suitable to you. Here’s a short list of different types of humour:

Anecdotes: any interesting event, either having to do with a celebrity or something smaller, that helps the humorist make a point.

Banter: good-natured teasing back and forth; exchange of witty remarks.

Blue Humour: humour based on easily offensive subjects like making love, body parts, and bodily functions.

Bull:  a humorous statement that is based on an outrageous contradiction. Ex: “The best people have never had kids.”

Burlesque: a form of satire. Burlesque ridicules any basic style of speech or writing. (Parody makes fun of  specific writings.)

Caricature: exaggeration of a person’s mental, physical, or personality traits, in wisecrack form.

The Catch Tale: a funny story that messes up the reader or listener by implying an awful ending but then stopping with a small declaration. Or any kind of funny story in general.

Epigram: clever, short saying about a general group. Mostly satire about mankind. Two types, wordplay and thought play.

Exaggerism: an exaggerated witticism that overstates the features, defects, or the strangeness of someone or something.

Freudian Slip: a funny statement which seems to just pop out, but which actually comes from the person’s subconscious thoughts.

Hyperbole: extreme exaggeration.

Irony: a leading part of humor.  Irony is using words to express something completely different  from the literal meaning.  Usually, someone says the opposite of what they mean and the listener believes the opposite of what they said.

Nonsensism: inclusive of the epigram and the wisecrack, it is any kind of funny nonsense in speaking form. Nonsensism includes all kinds of absurdity without realistic logic and makes a general observation of absurd reference.

Practical Joke: a joke put into action. You hear an oral joke, sees a printed joke, and feel the practical joke. The trick is played on another person and the humor comes from what happens. This can easily be done through conversation and wordplay.

Recovery: a combination of blunder and wit, where a person makes an error, and then saves himself with a fast correction.

Repartee: includes clever replies and retorts. The most common form is the insult.

Satire: wit that is critical humor. Satire is sarcasm that makes fun of something.

Situational Humor: this is comedy that comes from your own life. No one in your audience will have heard it and it can get a group used to you. This type of humor is based on a humorous situation that you have experienced.

Switching: a common form of switching is changing the main parts of the story, such as the setup or the punch line, and creating a new joke.

Understatement: making something that is regular or large seem extremely smaller or less. Intentionally down- sizing a large object.

Wisecrack: any clever remark about a particular person or thing. Wisecracks are quick wordplays about a person. 

Wit: humor, irony, sarcasm, satire, repartee. Wit is funny because of the sudden sharpness and quick perception. Wit can bite. Verbal wit is a type of humor known as Wordplay.

 You don’t have to use all of the aforementioned, but pick out a couple that you can pull off. 

Getting girls to laugh allows you to compliment them and have the compliment come across totally different than if you just said it alone. So very simply, you want to get the girls laughing quickly because the faster you do, the faster you can escalate sexually. 

Girls that find you funny take whatever sexual compliment or vulnerability you put out on a deeper level. I suppose I have an alpha persona and that confidence comes across in my ability to speak to people then have them just accept what I say without really knowing who the hell I am. So the humour then allows me to compliment the girl in away that validates her and my value remains high because of the way I deliver the compliment. I give the compliment in a very direct way that’s just being honest with her.

So let’s say I get a girl talking and we have a few laughs, at some point I will indicate I find her attractive. While most guys always give the most boring compliments, I am a little more creative. Again, it really depends on the situation.

For girls who are more confident and can stand to take a shot, I’ve said 'there's something unique about you, you're not completely ugly, but I don't mind admiring you.' It's challenging and somewhat complimenting. By this point, she should be cool enough with you to take it as a challenge and you can continue the witty banter and build rapport.

For the opposite, girls who are less confident, I’ve taken a softer approach: ‘For what it’s worth, you’re definitely the cutest most appealing out of all your friends.’ It’s direct and honest, and gives her a bit of attention but it’s not overbearing. She’ll likely respond with a blushing smile or a ‘no, I’m not’ - if it’s the latter, you definitely have a couple of options: continue to compliment her and warm her up…or take a satirical/sarcastic approach: ‘you’re right, you’re not that cute, your friends are just kinda ugly.’

Timing is also important. Before you go ahead and drop a compliment/indication of interest on her, you have to know that she is already drawn to you. The easiest way to figure this out is to watch her body language: shoulders square towards you, legs pointed in your direction, leaning in your direction, eye contact etc. Giving her an indication of interest BEFORE you know you have built rapport is dangerous because you can give off the wrong impression. It’s likely that you’ll come across like ‘any other guy’ who has hit on her in the past. 

When you give her an indication of interest, it validates her because it’s saying ‘I think we both know what we want so let’s end the confusion right now.’ It takes the pressure off her and reduces the chances of her being defensive because you’re validating her after she’s warmed up to you. If you were to give her a compliment/indication of interest before she was warmed up to you, it doesn’t mean that she won’t warm up to you after, but there’s just more of a risk that she’ll go into ‘defensive mode,’ making your job a little bit more difficult.

Remember: get her buying temperature up before before you sell.